Wednesday May 11, 2005

 

Jesse,

 

How have you been?

Yesterday the campus was closed so I did some remote email work at my parents’ house and, but for the most part, while reflective, the day wasn’t very high stress. 

There were a couple of things that made yesterday more of a “reflection day” than the official day off last month for me.  For reasons in to which I am about to dive, I really had a chance to focus on the last couple of years, think about who I am, who I have been, possibly explore who I can be… that kind of reflective stuff.

In 1998, pretty much the only place where anyone could find high speed internet was on college campuses.  I happened to be on one of those, so I spent a lot of time downloading illegal music from something called Napster.  I have since abandoned this practice for reasons of personal ethical decisions too complicated to get in to here, and the larger fact that I no longer own a computer.  But before achieving the moral high ground and breaking my computer, I did burn many, many CD ROMs full of mp3 music files. 

Yesterday I made two important discoveries.  The first discovery was the box of CDs I found in my parent’s garage.  The second discovery was the fact that my DVD player can play MP3 files.

So I was able to spend hours in front of the television listening to the music that I had loved as a college student in the late 90s and early zeros.  I was reminded of something that I hadn’t forgotten.  I was really angst ridden.  Sometimes a snapshot of ones self at an earlier age such as this can give tangibility to memory.  Stabbing Westward, Nine Inch Nails, Elliott Smith

I’m a junk yard full of false starts

Exile in Guyville, long before Liz Phair started pimping Maybelline

I can feel it in my bones I'm gonna spend another year alone It's fuck and run fuck and run

But in addition to being the guy, asked every day “aren’t you hot in all that black?” I was also an idiot child driven to Spice Girls, Bouncing off the Ceiling, loving Britney (oops) all with an intensity matched only by irony.  I had forgotten how many girl groups there had been, but I had all of their singles. 

Hearing all of this stuff, in many cases for the first time since college gave me an uncomfortable, but strangely reassuring glance at my post-pubescent, pre-loss-of-brother, pre-9/11, pre-GWB self.  Scary shit, yo…

I was arrogant, overly serious yet unable to take anything seriously, pathetically unprepared for “real life” and pretentious.  I directed a sit-com style mini-production of No Exit and thought it was a good idea. 

 

Pretty much the only thing that I loved totally un-ironically was a rock band called the Murder City Devils.  From ’98 to ’01 I went to more MCD shows that I could possibly remember.  In 2001 the organ player left because of carpal tunnel syndrome and homesickness for Chicago.  Instead of replacing her, the band decided to end their brilliant run in a huge, drunken final show at the Showbox in Seattle.

 

The final show was Halloween, 2001.  A strange little punk rock friend of mine came in from British Columbia to see it with me, as did a goth-as-fuck high school acquaintance.  The show was filmed, and yesterday, they released the DVD of the final show.

 

So, along with a few dozen other people, I got to re-live the closing of one of the major chapters of my life last night, as it was projected on to a big screen at the Crocodile Café.   I saw my sleeve on screen.  I also saw Canadian Punk Friend Joey Cordless’s face.  I didn’t see Stephanie-from-Blanchet-dressed-as-vampire though. 

 

I really spent yesterday coming to an understanding of how far I have come, personally, since then.  I have lived 5 places in 4 cities.  I have served nearly 2 AmeriCorps years.  I’m balder, fatter, calmer, and happier.  I produce less “art,” but I am less pretentious in what I do produce.  (you should have heard my “Home Alone” musical composition for 5 voices, written in a notation form of my own invention.)

 

I mean, what's going on with Bill, is he out there? Has anyone seen him?

 

Bill seems to be doing well, from the perspective of a Seattle Cluster member.  In many ways, I think that he is the most together guy I know.

 

How are your projects?

 

Awesome. 

 

What are you doing for your final reflection project (or is it a surprise)?

 

I don’t really know what I am going to do.  I was considering writing some great big stream of consciousness essay and sending it out to the team, but that might just be tacky.

 

DANA, OMG Congratulations!!!!

 

Oh, and I just got a mysterious, creepy, but generally good natured crank call on my home phone.  I star 69ed the guy and the number is 239-200-0252.  So please, everyone call this guy and ask him in he has Prince Albert in a Can or if his toilet is running or something.