So here are some hilarious things that I wrote in the last couple of days on a different internet journal thing. Laugh away!

Thursday, February 20th, 2003
3:12 pm I have recently been on a rampage through all of my books. I have been trying to put a bookplate in each and every book I own. I guess this makes some sense. Some of my favorite books, (and records and movies for that matter) were lent out years ago, never to be returned. So I guess that it isn't a STUPID thing to do. If it prevents the accedental theft of a book or two, then it was all worthwhile.
This whole event began around christmas. Dianna's middle sister gave me a package of home made bookplates. They were a perfect gift, I went to work putting book plates in all of my books. About a week ago I ran out of them though, so I started using Antioch Bookplate Company bookplates and ones that I made myself on the computer.
So this may seem sensible. In theory it does. It is just that I have been digging through boxes trying to find books left un-plated. I have been putting bookplates in books that already had my name written in them. I have been putting bookplates in books that NO ONE will EVER borrow from me, much less steal! I am talking about 3rd grade level music books from the fifties and sixties. Teachers editions of grade school text books, again from the fifties and sixties and outdated books on technical theatre that even I haven't read are also now labled as my own. Books about the end of the world by right wing, homophobic Evangelical types that I bought for the sake of irony? "Ex Libris Joseph Warren"
I guess that I should get started on movies and records now.
(Comment on this)
12:06 am I was just wondering about the terrorists. Mostly I was wondering if any of the terrorists are ninjas.
No, hear me out. Wait!
Okay, so the ninjas were the most totally deadly assassins ever. Their loyalty rivaled anything that the 9-11 folks had going for them, and their training was such that it would put the "tahrrests" to, just total fucking shame.
Even more important is the fact that they would be completely unexpected. There was a time, about ten years ago when we were prepared for ninja attacks. There they were in every movie, on every TV show.

"Jerry, Elaine! I'm being chased by ninjas"
"Oh no, Kramer, we had better run!"

You flip the channel

"Yo dude, ninja toss me some ninja pizza!"

Go to the movies and, like, the Muppets are fighting ninjas.

Then, almost immediately the ninjas became unpopular. It was just like when we forgot about Australia, the funky bunch, perfect strangers or hippies.
The outcome of America's uncanny ability to abandon trends more quickly than we take them up as a country could prove deadly. Duct tape on the windows won't stop one of those throwing stars, because they are made of metal. The glass will break; the tape will come off the cracks. There will be broken glass everywhere, which never looks good, and the paint will peel because it was stuck to the fucking duct tape. Everyone will drive past your house and say, "they must be poor. Look at the unkempt manner in which they keep their house."
Then the ninjas, the most efficient and deadly killers that the world has ever seen will come in and efficiently kill you and your loved ones.
And EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T, the window would be broken so the anthrax and small pox can come in and kill you anyway.

I guess that I am a little bit scared.